Most self-care ideas for moms ignore deeper rooted issues. You don’t need another reminder to take a shower. What you need is to put your sexy foot down. Speak up. Stop tolerating bullshit lies you’ve been sold. It’s time to quit being a “good mom” and take a stand for all moms to thrive. And this starts with building a life that inherently takes care of you.

READ PART I & II FIRST (OR DON’T)

Now Rome wasn’t built in a day and you didn’t become a mom in one either. So in order to make self-care an inherent part of your lifestyle, you must do so one day at a time.

To support you on this journey here are 42 self-care ideas for moms that I often need to remind myself of. These were written during the final days of parenting solo for 4 1/2 months. During a pandemic. NBD.

So, fill your cup or glass with whatever fuels your soul, get cozy, and stay a while. And as always: Take what you need, leave the rest.

NB: These are like your toddler’s mood—all over the place, pure, and raw. 

FOR ALL BADASS MOMS WHO WANT AN AMAZING LIFE AND CREATE A NEW FUTURE, NOT ANOTHER MORNING ROUTINE CRAMMED INTO AN OVERLY BUSY SCHEDULE, THESE ARE FOR YOU…

With love,

Melissa

01 | Stop trying to be a “good mom”

Most self-care ideas for moms support the “Good Mom” narrative created decades ago by a board of white men wanting to make a shit ton of money before coming home to the mothers of their children.

The “Good Mom” voice rings louder than your baby’s cries. It’s going to take time to shut her up. But please do your best to stop listening to her outrageous standards. This “perfect person” is a sad, uptight, fearful bitch.

Acknowledge that the voice is there but don’t let her run the show.  

The world doesn’t need good moms. The world needs real moms.

Moms who:

• Admit that it’s hard without beating themselves up and choose to admire and celebrate their strength instead.
• Keep their head up when their breasts leak in public.
• Stop trying to play a man’s game and choose to play their own instead.
• Lead the revolution of women who redefine what it means to be a mom, create sustainable abundant lives, restore harmony within themselves, and in turn, our Mother; Earth.

All with their babies resting on their chest or playing at their feet.

02 | Be Flexible AF

And I’m not talking about your yoga practice.

What works for you now may not in a few weeks (or few minutes). Remain flexible while also honouring what you know at your core is most important.

Using yoga as an example: How I structure my days and choose self-care practices changes just as quickly as Alicia has in the last 18months.

Practicing yoga a few months postpartum looked like her laying on her back or tummy while I stretched my aching body. Lately it either looks like an amateur acro yoga class as she climbs all over me or a forward fold while blow drying my hair. Ideally, I unroll my mat when she is asleep and let my hips melt in pigeon pose.

03 | Understand, embrace, and surrender to the developmental stage that you and your child are in

When your baby is born, you too are newly born. Tread lightly.

When your baby begins to crawl, you too are crawling. Crawl slowly.

When your baby starts teething. Godspeed.

When your baby suddenly wakes up as a toddler. You’re ready to start walking again. I mean running. Fast. Get that child before she (Forget it. The dog’s water bowl is already everywhere.) All good.

04 | Redefine Consistency

Reflect on what being consistent means to you. 

If you decide to create a self-care routine move away from the “must be done every single day/week with the same level of intensity and focus” mentality. Because if you are trying to build your life with a pre-motherhood or patriarchal definition of consistency, you’ll lose.

Keep the big picture in mind and look at consistency holistically.  And don’t simply focus on areas where you were consistent before motherhood, pay attention to all the ways you show up consistently but may not give yourself credit.

I may not reply to emails promptly as I once did but I have nursed, cleaned my daughter’s bum, and woken up several times a night since May 2020 without skipping a beat (or tripping).

05 | Laugh

Often.

Laugh at:

• Yourself.
• The situation.
• The throw up on your shirt.
• The mess on the floor.
• And the little being you created making funny faces.

06 | Stop California Dreaming!

Are you comparing your life and self-care practices to someone who has a completely different reality than you do?

Stop it.

I was shovelling snow the other morning as I will be doing for the next four months. Dare I compare myself to someone living in SoCal skateboarding to the beach with their bébé and surfer DILF.

My bikini body has some serious snow to shovel before de-icing the cars. But let me first coordinate putting on my winter gear, Bali’s dog booties, and Alicia’s snowsuit without any of us sweating or barking at each other.

Everyone’s situation has its own set of perks and challenges too complex to share online or over one FaceTime hang. Focus on the season you’re in, literally and figuratively.

But if you want to dream about California, do it. Frame a photo, watch an episode of The OC, or if it keeps calling you: move there as one of my clients is doing as I type.

07 | Honour your cycle

If you’re thinking: My cycle isn’t back to “normal” since having a baby, consider this:

You are in a new cycle of life, it isn’t meant to be normal, its phenomenal. Honour that. Get curious. Let your womb’s wisdom lead the way, because it knows. Just look at what it cooked up!

Imagine a world where self-care ideas for moms included honouring our natural and ever changing rhythms instead of a strong desire to go back to how things were before? One can dream, but I know that I’m not the only one.

One of my clients is on a mission to bring women back to their bodies with timeless wellness practices that inspire cyclical health. Check out DéjaWell and the most beautiful perennial self-care calendar you ever did see! You’ll get a year’s worth of self-care practices inspired by yin yoga, Traditional Chinese Medicine, cycle syncing methods and plant medicine.

08 | Build Self-Care Into What You Do Every Day

Consider what you wear, eat, drink, watch, listen to, where you sleep, spend your time, do your groceries, how you stand, speak, think, etc. There are countless opportunities for you to weave self-care into what you already do. From one time actions to tiny actions performed each day.

This might mean: 

• Buying nice sheets so that you sleep like the Queen that you are (or buy sheets that wick postpartum sweats).
• Planting your feet firmly on the floor and engaging your core before sitting up.
• Setting the table and lighting a candle before you eat. 
• Pouring your coffee into a cup you actually like to wrap your hands—I mean hand around. Who has two hands when the other is holding a toddler?
• Buying this amazing carrier so that you can wrap those hands around your cup!
• Rolling your tongue a few times before engaging in gossip.
• Choosing to watch an inspiring documentary instead of trashy shows like Selling Sunset
• Vow to never watch Selling Sunset again and revisit your vow once Season 4 comes out.

09 | Take cold showers

Since we’ve established that you’re capable of taking showers, why not make them energizing and immune boosting AF?

Cold showers were my saving grace after giving birth. My tired legs craved the ice cold water and my face loves it too. As for getting the cold water onto my back and abdomen, that still feels hard as hell. But I do it because I never regret taking a cold shower. And it takes 30seconds.

Its like going to the spa. Except not really. But kind of. Just try it.

10 | Identify your non-negotiables

What do you want to do? need to do? and choose to do? no matter what?

You know the “come hell or high water” sort of things.

Even on the worse days, there are some things that simply do not slide. Not 100 things. Max 1,2, or 3 things. Identify yours. These should inherently bring you joy and align with your highest values.

Mine are:

• Drinking plenty of water.
• Preparing food with love. 
• Walks in nature.

I also have weekly and monthly non-negotiables. These change depending on the season or top goals. Writing a blog post each week is one for 2022.

Read The One Thing by Gary Keller if you want more about this or apply to work with me to identify your top goals and make the process flow with motherhood!

11 | EAT!

Are you eating enough mama? Enough of the foods that not only nourish your mind and body, but also awaken your soul? I have a few great recipes for you here.

Society’s obsession with losing the baby weight can make “watching what you eat” mean “restrict yourself so that you fit into those moms jeans.” But please don’t make losing weight the main reason behind why you watch what you eat. Make prioritizing your long-term well-being and admiring how delicious your plate looks the main reason why you (literally) watch what you eat.

Furthermore, when you honour your nutritional needs and hunger cues, it becomes easier to do the same for your baby. And the more that you allow yourself to eat lovingly, the greater the chances are that your child will develop a healthy relationship with food too.

12 | Stop making different meals for everyone!

Put your gorgeous powerful mama foot down and make the same thing for everybody. If someone doesn’t like it, they can suck it—um, I mean, get up and prepare what they want or put requests in the suggestion box that they will make and keep track of.

Now go have that cookie or that smoothie bowl you love.

13 | Hire a coach

Why yes, I am squeezing a little self-promotion in here because:

1. You should also promote the shit out of what you have to offer.
2. You can thank me later.

For the past 8 months, I received the best coaching and was surrounded by incredible human beings.

I showed up on calls while nursing, crying, and even fell asleep on a couple. I did the work to the best of my ability. And although I went in it with the intention of reigniting my business what I received was the gift of being held when I couldn’t hold it all and space to think about what I truly deeply want, now and for my future.

Now, if coaching isn’t your thing, invest in whatever your thing is. If that is a pottery class, getting your real-estate license, or investing in crypto, do it!

14 | Acknowledge how you feel

If something feels off, it’s off.

Trust yourself and realize that its worth your time to figure out what’s at the root.

The voice of the “perfect person” in your head might try to gaslight you, but don’t let her win.

The following self-care ideas for moms might help too…

15 | Slow the fuck down

When I start feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I need to slow down. Remind myself to R-E-L-A-X. Take a few deep breaths. Throw the to-do list out the window. And probably take a nap. 

If you don’t like the idea of slowing down, find another term that works for you. NBA and NFL players call it a time-out. 

16 | Speed up

Perhaps you are feeling off because you aren’t honouring your soul’s yearnings. Get off the couch and do something about them!

Outdated ideas around motherhood have brainwashed us to believe that becoming a mom is a hindrance instead of a superpower designed to align us with our truth.

Dive into something that lights your soul on fire and scares the shit out of you. Start your dream business (Check out this amazing biz my client Geneviève, mom of 3, started.) Try something new. Go back to something you love. Or catch some waves like Bethany Hamilton.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, in fact, it’s better if it isn’t.

17 | Wear makeup. Or don’t. 

Did you know that Hilary Clinton calculated how many hours she spent having her hair and makeup done during the Presidential campaign? It came to about 600 hours, or 25 days.

Holy shit. 

via GIPHY

Its no wonder moms struggle with self-care when these outrageous beauty standards are pushed down our throat each day. Most women average about 335 hours a year in front of a mirror. That’s about 9 weeks of full-time work. Let that sink in.

When you take into consideration that breastfeeding for one year equates to an estimated 1,800 hours of a mother’s time, we need to revisit our expectations around beauty and our time.

Listen, I love beautifully curled hair, however, a high pony is more realistic and aligned with my desire to breastfeed my daughter for as long as she needs.

A life that incorporates self-care inherently, should be about showing up as you are and honouring our precious time. On some days that may include mascara and others a few white heads worn proudly on your pre-menstrual chin. (I know you’ll pop them, but don’t cover them.)

18 | Find a sense of completion

The sense of completion can be found in paying attention to things you do from start to finish on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.

It could be making your bed slowly, folding your laundry mindfully, replying to emails without rushing on Monday morning, completing a workout, or my personal faves: making meals from scratch and finally squeezing out that ingrown I’ve been tugging at for days.

These seemingly little tasks do wonders as you can clearly see a before and after effect—that is, when you pay attention.

If you are struggling to feel a sense of completion each day, I dare you to choose one thing that you can take a before and after picture of for a week. Notice how fucking amazing it feels! (Organizing a drawer is a fun place to start!)

I recently reviewed this for my professional life. Now you are reading this blog.

19 | Stop being nice

We are part of the “good girl” generation. 

Girls who were taught that being nice was more important than being truthful. That calling someone out on their shit was bad. That speaking up was rude. 

But some of these girls have become badass women who are giving the good girl label the good old bird. I recommend that you do too. 

Instead of being nice, try be unapologetically honest or as some say; be a badass bitch.

via GIPHY

20 | Cry

Seeing someone cry and not know why or how to make it stop is hard. Sometimes we just need to be a safe space for tears to roll down their cheeks and wipe them with our sleeve.

Be the safe space for your tears to roll.

Let tears flow for as long as they need to without holding back or trying to make them stop. They will when the emotion being released is complete.

When we allow our true emotions to flow through and out of us, we feel better. We feel light. And like our babies we either sleep better, run faster, or have puffy eyes for a little while.

Cry in the car, the shower, the kitchen, in public. Cry wherever and whenever you need to let it out. Chances are it won’t last as long as you think it might. 

And now here’s an idea you won’t find in any other self-care ideas for moms list…

21 | Throw a tantrum.

I grabbed a baseball bat. Stacked the pillows on the couch. And let it all out on them.

I was sweating, swearing, and crying too.

Then I stopped. I was done. In less than 2min all the gunk I had inside was out.

I made my way to a path in the woods to catch my breath and resettle. Shortly after, I felt amazing. 

You gotta let it out mama. And it doesn’t have to look pretty. In fact, its probably better if it doesn’t.

If beating up your couch with a baseball bat makes you queasy, I get it. You can start by letting out your primal screams into a pillow.

NB: I recommend doing this sort of thing when no one else is around otherwise you may scare the shit out of them. Or find a rage room in your area. From what I’ve heard they are pretty fun!

22 | Stop apologizing

I met a mom at the park. 

While our daughters wobbled around the playground, her daughter hit Alicia. 

The mama jumped in and corrected her daughter in a gentle way. I hadn’t seen what happened but wasn’t fussed as I saw her handling it. 

Then she started apologizing. Once. Twice. A few more times. And again in a text message. 

I accepted her initial apology but as she kept apologizing I started getting annoyed. She was stripping herself of her power right in front of my eyes.

Had her daughter beat mine up, I would have intervened. But it was no big deal—until she made it seem like one. 

Ladies, if you apologize, do it once and mean it. Stop diluting your apology and power along with it. 

23 | Have you laughed yet?

I mentioned it above, but if you’re like me and tend to take things a little too seriously I need to drill this one home. 

Perhaps this video will work. Yes, I shared it in a previous blog post. 

24 | Watch the same video 1000X. 

Because your toddler will want to do that too. So stop pretending you don’t want to do the same with re-runs of Gossip Girl or the Tarsier video I just made you watch. You’re welcome.

25 | Keep your environment tidy

I’ve shared the power 10-min tidy sessions in a previous post. I cannot stress enough how important your environment is. It shapes how we feel and influences how we act. 

Keeping our home tidy also keeps my mental space clean, allows me to transition throughout the day, and prime me for what’s coming.

For more on this, I highly recommend James Clear’s Atomic Habits which I listened to and it was fabulous!

26 | Dress for the occasion

There will be times when your environment won’t be enough to spark the motivation you need to complete the self-care practice you know you need to do. In this case YOU must become the environment needed to take care of yourself. 

For me that looks like changing my outfit several times each day to match the current focus. I’ll throw on my robe first thing to ease into the morning. Switch into a cozy outfit to fit the morning’s routine and our morning walk. I’ll change once we come back. And I might change a few times more depending on the day. Even if it’s in and out of the same outfits. (I tend to wear the same 3 outfits over and over again.)

There is something about changing out of fleece leggings and a sweatshirt and into mom jeans and a beautiful pullover that helps keep my internal and external worlds aligned.

27 | Have sex

Sex is truly magical. It can alleviate stress and result in babies.

And sometimes all you really need is a good lay.

Now if your partner is overseas, you might need to get creative on FaceTime. Or if they are not in the mood or you’re a single mama, get yourself off.

Take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz for more insight on what you need to feel satisfied sexually.

At the very least do something that turns you on, like organizing your pantry—I know I’m not alone in this. Am I?

28 | Declutter. Declutter. Declutter.

You’ve probably accumulated way more stuff than you actually need for yourself and your little one. Get rid of what you don’t LOVE and no longer need. 

Imagine Marie Kondo was coming over for tea.

How would you prepare for the occasion?

What advice do you think she would give you?

If you need a place to start, get rid of that toy that is driving you absolutely nuts. Your child will benefit more from a happy mom than an annoyed one.

29 | Say NO, thank you. 

Be it an invitation to a dinner you would like to attend (but not really because going to bed by 9pm keeps you sane) or that box of toys your mom’s friend wants to drop off.

You can be grateful and decline.

Even if it feels uncomfortable in the moment, keep your overall well-being in mind. 

via GIPHY

30 | Borrow something from your neighbour

Wanna start your own village?

Introduce yourself to your neighbours. Then when you need that egg for these delicious sugar-free blueberry muffins, head on over there. And remind them that they can do the same. Bonus points for bringing them some muffins while they are still hot!

Even if you don’t ever need to borrow anything, it’s nice to know that you can.

I don’t have dinner with my neighbours, but I know that I could knock on their door at any hour and they would let me in. Just writing that gets me choked up. 

31 | Get a dog

If you’re too shy to introduce yourself to your neighbours, a dog will show you how it’s done!

Every morning, Bali trots on over to our neighbour’s to see his pal Pierre Loup, an old white poodle who is both deaf and blind. It’s pretty damn cute.

Although I couldn’t imagine my life without Bali, think long and hard about this one. Or don’t, and live happily ever after!

If you’re on the fence, read my dog’s 12 Life Lessons. I needed #5 today.

32 | Move out of the city.

You’ve been thinking about it. 

I say: do it!

15 years living in Montreal was wonderful. I never thought I’d move back to my hometown, but I wouldn’t have it any other way—except on days where living in Hawaii sounds amazing! But those days are few and far between. I love my life here and feel extremely grateful to be raising our daughter close to trees, lakes, and rivers.

33 | Don’t call your friend if you don’t feel like it. Call if you do. 

Offer yourself grace when it takes you weeks to call back. Or send love and thoughts energetically. The friends who get this are the best kind.

When I’m struggling with self-care and turning to Google for inspiration, I don’t need someone reminding me to call a friend—which I would if I wanted to talk but I’ve probably called my partner, mom, sister, and been on a coaching call already. That, and I’m an introverted extrovert. 

I still feel terrible for not getting back to people faster and for declining coffee date invitations, but believe it or not, I am doing my best—and sometimes (often) that means letting people down or not talking to them at all to avoid aforementioned.

34 | Journal. If you enjoy journalling that is.

I love to write. In my journal, on my laptop, my phone, anywhere I can jot my thoughts and ideas. 

However, it’s not everyone’s thing—just like any of the other self-care ideas for moms on this list. So if journalling fills your cup, amen! If it doesn’t, put that pen down and go fill your cup with what you actually do enjoy doing!

And if you feel uncertain about what you enjoy, try morning pages for a few days. They are truly magical! Or you might want to record your thoughts using a voice recording app on your phone. I do this most days. Be it to blow some steam, capture ideas, or imagine myself having a conversation with God.

35 | Make meditation work for you

I was talking to my massage therapist about the wonders of doing a 10-day Vipassana course.

It’s hard as hell and also one of the most amazing experiences you’ll ever have.

Vipassana is my go to meditation practice, however since becoming a mom, meditation is not one of my non-negotiable items and how often and long I practice varies greatly: 1min one day, 0min for a few days, and 20min+ occasionally.

Breastfeeding has been my meditation the last 18months. And it’s the best kind. I won’t get the opportunity to practice this form of meditation forever so I am savouring it (and just like meditation, sometimes its hard and I don’t feel like it.)

If you want to find out more about Vipassana or enjoy guided meditations, I have 3 waiting for you here!

36 | FUCK having a routine

If you’re struggling with a self-care routine as a mom, consider taking a few hours, days, or better yet, months off of having any sort of formal routine.  

When Alicia was born, I rarely looked at the clock. I wasn’t on social media and I honoured our flow as much as possible. It was heaven.

Our routines have evolved gradually and naturally. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And honestly, the days I get most frustrated are the ones where I am trying hard to follow my routine as planned instead of flowing with what’s right in front of me.

Then I think of this video and feel better.

NB: I understand that for many mamas this isn’t yet possible. But if you can take one step to build a life that lines up with your natural flow, move towards that. 

37 | Feel lost for a little while

Are you feeling confused about what to do?

Perfect.

That means you’re not yet at the stage where you’re supposed to know.

Let your life not make sense for a while. Chances are  you are being re-aligned by your true nature. Surrender as much as you can.

You’ll know when it’s time for your next move soon enough the same way your body knew when to push your baby out of you.

38 | Allow for periods of exploration

Feeling lost is a great opportunity to wander. And if you’ve completed a project, cycle, or are in a period of transition—aka brought a child into this world—take time to explore what you need and want before choosing what to commit to.

Motherhood is the ultimate adventure. The most unique destination you’ll every journey to and through. Keep your eyes open. Embrace the detours. Take lots of pictures. Stay curious and experience life for the first time. Let your offspring be your guides.

39 | Be a hot mess. 

Most self-care ideas for moms feed your desire to be “put together” (whatever that means.) But I bet a winning lottery ticket that if you’ve read this far, what you consider being a hot mess is far from being all that messy and is probably much sexier than you think. Wear your realness loud and proud and see what happens when you let all the facets of you come out and play.

Chances are the voice of the perfect little woman in your head will lose her shit and say nasty things. 

On the other hand, your soul will probably feel great. And you’ll actually be so hot you won’t be able to keep your hands off yourself!

Go get ‘em sexy mama!

40 | Go to the gym if you want to. Or never do squats again.

Let’s be real, you’re doing more squats now than ever before!

But I see moms put pressure on themselves to get a fitness routine going in hopes of “getting her body back.”

Give your body the time it needs to heal. And remember that the best exercise is the one that you most enjoy!

That being said, if you’re like me and want to reset your foundations, strengthen your core knowing it will soon be stretched out again during the next pregnancy you are preparing for, you may want to follow Kayla Itsines Post-Pregnancy Program. 

Call me if you complete it. I’ve had the app for years and have yet to complete a program fully. But the workouts are damn good, at least the ones I’ve done.

41 | Do nothing

As in: read articles about self-care ideas for moms simply because you need a fucking break. Then go to sleep.

Or actually lay on your couch and look at the ceiling. And then, go to sleep.

42 | Look at photos of your little one when they sleep 

At the end of the day, after you’ve put your little one down, all you really want to do is unroll your yoga mat…sit on it and scroll through your phone while looking at photos of the wild human you brought into this world. Because you miss and love them so damn much and can’t wait to do it all over again tomorrow.

And before we part ways for today remember:

The best self-care idea is the one that works for you mama!

Which of the 42 self-care ideas for moms do you love most?

Have other ideas you’d like to share with others?

Leave a comment below!

You may also enjoy:

The Best Self-Care Affirmation For Moms (Justin Bieber Approved!)

Struggling With Self-Care As A Mom? These 6 Reasons Explain Why

Alicia’s Birth Story