07 Jan Dear Aspiring Mama: Becoming a mom is sacred
January 6th, 2:35pm
Entry 4
Aloha dearest Aspiring Mama,
How are you feeling after soaking in your truth yesterday?
Lighter? Heavier?
Liberated? Tied down?
Clear? Confused?
Or like a cocktail of emotions you love or the kind that creates a hangover today?
How ever you are feeling, it’s all good.
It is to be expected that you’ll feel all the feels on your journey to and through motherhood. In fact, I recommend that you do.
More importantly, I wish for you to experience all the feels and accept them and yourself through them. Some call this being equanimous. Today, I call it radical self-love. And trust me, you will need it when you become a mom. And since we are all mothers—I’ll explain in the coming days—you already do.
I’ll tell you right now, the truth hit hard today. But it didn’t entirely surprise me. I’m still processing but I’ve also promised to show up fully. And just like you, I am both imperfect and powerful AF.
My partner admitted that he doesn’t know if he wants more kids.
His silence the other night had already awakened this possibility. In fact, the reason I inquired about when we wanted to expand our family was because I could sense uncertainty on his end. And although I trust my intuition, I still have to follow it to confirm. Because sometimes my intuition tells me that I don’t know for sure, or anything at all, and I try to listen.
I feel all the feelings that are uncomfortable to feel—particularly when my daughter and stepson are close-by and I don’t necessarily want to show all my emotional layers.
So I cried in the bathroom. Went for a drive. Closed my eyes next to Alicia when I put her down for a nap. And I’ve been sitting here reading and writing for over an hour.
An important quote by Marianne Williamson from Enchanted Love came to mind:
“When love isn’t in our lives, it’s on the way. If you know that a special guest is coming at five o’clock, do you spend the day messing up the home? Of course not. You prepare. And that is what we should do for love.”
Becoming a mom is the greatest act of love that I have ever known. Therefore, even if it doesn’t feel like my desire to expand our family is near today, I have guests coming—so do you. You must keep your head up (after you’ve addressed and acknowledged the truth about how you feel) and keep preparing for your guests. They are coming.
Today, YOU are my guest. I may be wearing my black sweatpants and funny looking slippers, but my heart is all here right now. Let’s get cozy on the couch, we will have plenty of time to put on makeup and dress fancy, but I’ll be honest, it isn’t something I do each day. And if I am to step into your heart everyday while also fulfilling my other responsibilities and priorities, you will have to accept me in my simple attire.
Fret not, all the love, fire, and wisdom I have comes from within—often from a place I cannot explain. Psst: so does yours.
That being said, let me dive into who I wish to be for you on your journey to motherhood. Below is an excerpt from the draft of the book I started writing for aspiring mamas in 2021 that explains my role as guide, coach, and sacred space facilitator.
It’s one thing to say “I want to be a mom.” It’s another—quite different—experience to fully embrace your desire, stand proudly in it, and align your life such that you are living with integrity, backing your words with congruent action.
This is why you’re here:
To embrace your desire.
Stand proud.
Align your life.
Take congruent action led by your heart, body, and soul.
And to make your dream of motherhood come true.
I’m here to be your guide. Your coach. Your sacred space facilitator.
What does that mean exactly?
First, imagine you were to book a trip to one of your dream destinations—for the sake of the example let’s just say Hawaii is at the top of your bucket list. If you’ve been, play along. If you haven’t, be warned, this may trigger a strong desire to book flights and find yourself on a beach on Maui—you have my blessing.
When it comes to travelling to Hawaii, there are three types of people in this world*:
1. Those who say they want to go yet do nothing but wish that it will happen someday.
2. Those who could care less about travelling so far away and who are simply uninterested in going there.
3. And those who feel the call to Hawaii. They answer. Arrange their life to find their way out of no way— feeling divinely guided or that something inexplicable is at play. These are the people who find themselves with their feet in the sand admiring a sunset unlike any that they have ever seen. They come back a different person—or rather, more of who they truly are.
I’m assuming that you are the “feel the call” kind of person. Take this as a sign that you have just booked your flights to motherhood. I promise you that it will be a beautiful ride!
As your guide, I’m here to provide support in preparing you for this adventure. Share my favourite tips, tools, and practices. Share stories about my journey to and through motherhood. To inspire confidence in you and make sure that you don’t feel alone—while also giving you plenty of space to experience this adventure on your own.
As your coach, I’m here to be a stand for your desire. To believe in you every step of the way—even when you don’t. To challenge your thinking, way of being and doing in order to broaden your perspective and create space for you to become the full expression of who you truly are.
I’ll ask tough questions. Hold space while the answer rises within you. Hold your hand as you let it out. Celebrate as you go out and live your one crazy, beautiful, messy life.
At times I’ll be your cheerleader while others you may want to throw a tantrum and walk away. You won’t always like what I have to say. That’s to be expected. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t activate those parts of you that are yearning for healing, transformation, or release. I’m here to serve you powerfully, not please you.
Nothing is off the table. We will go where we need to such that your journey to motherhood is a beautiful, glorious, and wild ride!
If you simply want to be comfortable or read for entertainment, let that idea go right now. Embrace the discomfort. Become the director of your own movie not the passive viewer of somebody else’s. I promise that it will be worth it.
Sacred space facilitator. What that means is that this experience, your journey to motherhood, is a sacred one. And I am here to treat it as such. Make sure that you do too.
Travel back to the Hawaii metaphor for a minute. Imagine that you are taking part in a traditional ritual. Chances are you would show up to the experience open, respectful, and curious. From the way you enter the space, to how you move, dress, and talk—everything about the ritual will influence how you show up and act. And your willingness to be present and take it all in will greatly influence the impact it will have on you.
May you read these entries as a ritual. May you step into this sacred space open, respectfully, and curious because:
Being human is sacred.
Being a woman is sacred.
Being a mom is sacred.
Declaring to yourself and the world that you are a human wanting to deepen her life experience, to step into her power and allow the mother in her to be fully expressed is, sacred.
Unfortunately not everyone in your life gets this. Your job isn’t to convince them otherwise but rather step into the space and experience becoming a mom in a ritualistic fashion while feeling safe, loved, and supported every step of the way. Hence why I am your sacred space facilitator.
Pause.
Take a breath.
Let this sink in.
We are landing.
Welcome. You have arrived at the gate.
Tomorrow we continue.
With love,
Melissa
*A note on privilege: Let’s be real. The vast majority of the people in the world may have never heard of or ever be able to make their way to Hawaii due a variety of heartbreaking and very real issues they face that we, people who possess greater wealth than we tend to acknowledge, will ever understand.
I am far from being aware or educated enough on matters that affect those less fortunate than you and I, however I do hope that this little note keeps your heart open and compassionate. I use these examples to shed light on your heart not to promote exclusion. My hope is that I can speak to your soul such that you answer your deepest calling without feeling any shame. You and I are privileged women and your desires as still just as beautiful and worthy as anyone else’s. Ok. I just had to get that out of the way. Let’s keep going.
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