January 3rd, 2022

1st entry

Dear Aspiring Mama…

It’s a little after 1pm. I’m sitting on one of the heart-shaped stools my mother painted—totally cute and hard enough that you know I won’t be sitting here for long. 

Alicia—awake from her nap earlier than usual—is sitting on my lap watching Raffi In Concert on the left side of my screen. You and I are connecting here on my right. I don’t know how this is gonna go. And I suppose that goes for the journey I want to embark on with you: the journey of answering your call to motherhood. 

I hope to support you in embracing your desire—even if it has been hidden or pushed down for years. To watch you stand proudly and align your life to what you have known deep down has always been true for you. 

Perhaps I’ll continue a little later. I love Raffi’s music and he did buy Alex and I some time to continue (and finish) what we had started when Alicia woke up, but it is hard to keep my thoughts straight as he sings: 

“Mister sun. Sun. Mister golden sun won’t you please shine down on me.” 

But I’ll leave with this for now: There is an inner voice that has told me to write to you as much as I can this year. To throw out my desire for the process—or rather for me—to be perfect, edited, and organized. To instead show up the same way I have shown up for my daughter the past 20 months: consistently, every single day.

Motherhood is the most beautiful trip! Showing up every single day no matter what has been the most beautiful and challenging privilege I have ever had. 

And although I have heard the inner voice tell me to speak to the aspiring mama since Fall 2019, I had not quite been “all in”—particularly when it comes to the idea of showing up fully. Because showing up as I do in motherhood on a professional level isn’t exactly what I have been taught to do. But its also what I have been called to do. And just as I hope that you will answer your call to motherhood, I will answer the call to show up for you (but I may take a few days off, okay?)

Welcome to 2022: the year of the Mother.

With love,

Melissa

1st Entry, Pt II

It’s minutes before 8pm. 

Alicia is in her bed nearly asleep. Actually no. Just as I put a period on the aforementioned she let out a loud “BALI” —her favourite word and dog’s name.

I have a soup spoon by my side that moments ago was carrying hazelnut spread to my mouth. I may get up for another spoonful. And I may also be so lazy as to not.

I’ll admit Mama that I nearly talked myself out of completing this first entry. 

“This is ridiculous.”

“I’m tired.”

“You should really wait till you have your plan more organized.”

A few of the things the voice in my head was shouting pre-hazelnut spread. 

But I’m here because I started. And I also feel the presence of Seth Godin’s teachings around me. He has written everyday for over a decade and has inspired me for nearly as long. 

And before I digress too much, let’s get back to why we are here: YOU WANT TO BE A MOM. And I received the tap on the shoulder, the whisper in my heart, the aching in my womb, the yearning in my soul to share with you some thoughts, stories, ideas, and words in hope of supporting you in awakening the mother that you are. In hope of providing for you what I did not know could have existed when I was in your shoes.

When I knew with every fibre of my being that I was made to be a mom but was starting to feel that the possibility was hanging by a tread.

This will sound dramatic to some. But to you, the aspiring mama who has come here and feels moved, it hits your heart. Know that I intend on doing my best to support you in honouring the beating of your heart, the rhythm of your soul, the woman that you are becoming. This call is too important. 

But we won’t cover everything in one day. It might actually take a while. All year perhaps. 

I want to share with you what I wish had been shared with me. To provide you with tools that will help you embrace your desire for becoming a mom, stand proudly in that, and align your life such that you are living in harmony.

I’ve wanted to share this in a book—and still want to. But 2021 proved to be a year where I needed to struggle and write and eventually give both the struggle and writing a break. To take a step back. To re-assess what was more important: to write the book or to get the message to you in whatever way I could.

I’ve chosen the latter. 

Sometimes we need to let things go to realize why we want to do them in the first place. 

I had to let go of how I wanted the book writing process to go in order to realize that its not about a book, but its about doing the thing that I feel I’ve been asked to do, even if it scares the shit out of me (and makes me feel all sorts of alive at the same time.)

Before we go any further, I have to get one thing out of the way. Not doing so is what made it hard to write, share, and show up in 2021. It is what I need to overcome in 2022 to provide you with the most authentic and vulnerable work that I can, and it is this: trying to please everybody. 

I can’t.

In an era where inclusivity and niching down co-exist, I have found it difficult to find my footing. 

I won’t be able to speak to everyone’s situation—and everyone’s situation is unique. 

I also struggle with zeroing in on a specific niche.

What I can do however, is share from my experience and point of view as a white Canadian middle-class heterosexual female who found herself living with her parents at 32 years old, single, and seriously wondering if life would even be worth living were I not to become a mom only to pause mid-step and embark on a completely different path. One where I would root down in the intention to play full out towards the realization of what I felt called to most and to flip much of my life on its head in order to do so. 

I had to be radically honest with myself in order to be where I am today: writing to your from the dining table of my small country home while my 20-month old daughter sleeps and my partner studies cryptocurrency trends. And I’ll be radically honest with you too.

My experience and opinions regarding sensitive topics such as IVF, egg-freezing, pregnancy, and breastfeeding may offend you or miss the mark on your experience, thoughts, and feelings on these matters. 

My hope is to share as openly and honestly as I can in the name of serving you to fulfilling your motherhood dreams in the way that is the most true for you. Like anything in life, take what you need and leave the rest. 

And I invite you to notice your feelings along the way. Perhaps even consider this passage from Michael A. Singer’s The Untethered Soul:

When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this?”

Tune in to your own wisdom. Because as I share what has been most personal for me, my hope is that you will find what is most personal for you through it all. As Carl R. Rogers said:

“What’s most personal is Universal.”

Let’s find out. 

I’ll be back tomorrow with more. I have lots to share with you!

With love,

Melissa