February 23rd, 2022, 12:58pm

Entry #20: Create Your Game

Dear Aspiring Mama,

You’ve declared your desire for motherhood, defined what it means to you, and are on the precipice of making it the central priority in your life.

Yet a few questions are still in the way:

• Do you feel like the clock is ticking?
• Do you feel afraid of the possibility that it may not happen for you?
• Are the numerous options around becoming a mom overwhelming and creating pressure?
• Ever feel stressed out about the idea that you’re running out of time?

FEEL LIKE A WALKING TIME BOMB?

I sure did. I still get caught up in the race against time, but then I go back to the realistic timeframe I have given myself to play this game called “Creating My Motherhood”

I remember when I decided to take control of time back into my hands instead of letting the “biological clock” call the shots of make me feel like I was a walking time bomb. 

Bali and I were beginning a walk along St.Moritz street.

I was 33. Single. Living with my parents. Feeling far from where I thought or hoped I would be at this stage in my life. There were a lot of unknowns. I felt discouraged. Defeated. And just as I was feeling like throwing in the towel on the one thing that I did know—to create a life with a man that I loved and start a family—I paused where the view of the lake is best. 

MAKE MOTHERHOOD A PRIORITY OR LEAVE IT TO CHANCE

It was there that I realized that I had a decision to make; to make my desire for a divine partnership and family a priority—play full out in its realization—or, leave it to chance. 

The answer was clear.

I would feel more disappointed if I left it to chance and it didn’t work out than if I played full out and it didn’t. At least I would have peace in knowing that I did what I could.

I went deeper into other aspects of creating motherhood to uncover what it was that I truly wanted to play for—even if I felt no where close to what I wanted.

ANSWER THE TOUGH QUESTIONS

How long was I giving myself to create that partnership and conceive? 

Would I want to become a mom solo or was waiting for the right person a non-negotiable?

Was I open to freezing my eggs, IVF, adoption, fostering? 

What would happen if what I wanted to manifest didn’t become a reality? 

I didn’t want to go about this solo or to “settle”. Creating a powerful relationship—with myself first—and then with a man was a priority. A partner who I loved and who’s values aligned with mine, and who also shared the desire for family and of building a life around it. 

I gave myself five years. It felt like forever but it also felt realistic.

Freezing my eggs, IVF, adoption, fostering, surrogacy, were not options that I was willing to consider. I knew this would ruffle feathers if I shared with others, but in the confines of my heart, I knew that none of these felt like the path I was meant—or willing—to walk. 

Natural conception was it for me, and I was willing to suffer the consequences if nature didn’t want this for me.

I was surprised by how quickly the answers came. There was no negotiation or debate. I felt a hop in my step but slowed down as I took an honest look at what would happen if partnership and having a family of my own was not in the cards for me in this lifetime. 

LOOK AT THE WORSE CASE SCENARIO HEAD ON

I still take a deep breath thinking about it. This was hard. But also tremendously freeing. 

Not being able to have children would be the biggest heartbreak I’d ever go through. It would be devastating. If I was in a relationship, it would either bring us closer or tear us apart. I’d probably experience grief like never before. 

Then came the glimmer of hope. 

At some point, I would pick myself up, wipe the tears, and ever so slowly start to create my life differently. I’d work with therapists my whole life if I needed to. Learn to live with the pain. Hire a new coach. Take a vacation somewhere warm to change things up. And the further I leaned in, the more I saw that I would be ok. That I would choose to live a happy life in honour of my unborn children—because they would have wanted that for me. 

After I had done this, it was also clear that there was no way in hell that I wasn’t going to do my best to create what I wanted. I burnt the bridges to any alternative because I knew what I wanted and the clock was now ticking—but I was the one who had officially declared that the game had started, not society.

This process—answering with ruthless compassion and honesty, alongside committing to the work that was required for me to become the woman who called what she desired in—has shifted my life.

The choice is now yours. Create Your Game.

Consider the different options around motherhood.

Create the rules you want to play by. 

It will be difficult. But I promise that considering these options now can save you a tremendous amount of difficulty in the future. Give you peace of mind. And the energy to say FUCK YES to what it is that you truly want.

You can have it all. As long as you agree to certain conditions:

1. Not at the same time.
2. You are willing to anchor in what it is that you truly want and burn the bridges to any alternative. 
3. You are willing to play full out—knowing that you might not win your game but doing what you can to anyway. (Which makes you a winner from the outset by the way)