Today I turned 36.

I had an unspoken expectation to feel on top of the world and #blessed about everything I have in my life. To share one of those super positive birthday posts we all love, you know the one? I wanted to authentically share one.

But truth be told, in all of today’s beauty, it was seeing my shadow that stood out. The darker sides of me and of my life that I often wish weren’t there.

Under today’s beautiful sun, I saw that my dark side stood tall and will be coming along for the ride. I paused and looked at it for a while. I wish it wasn’t there, but I realize now that in order to enjoy the sun, and let my own light shine, I have to accept that a shadow is part of it.

So after an argument with my man, crying a little (or rather, more than I want to admit), calling my best friend multiple times, confiding in my sister, putting my beautiful girl to bed, I poured the last drops of bubbly cider in a juice glass and soaked in a hot bath while writing the draft of this post on my phone.

In doing so, I felt a little lighter because as I wrote a whisper inside was also saying;

“I’m done trying to be perfect.”

With that, I also gave myself permission to just start. To begin again. To not have it all figured out and be ok with it.

I’m going to be creating something beautiful this year. Shift my business to include coaching, lifestyle, and motherhood. Revamp www.melissacolleret.com such that it becomes a website that powerful women who value motherhood, personal development, and a nature rooted lifestyle can find what they need to align their life to their true nature. And to make a damn good living doing something that is fun, allows me to make a difference, and take care of my daughter.

I realize that I can’t do it if I don’t accept that some things I don’t like about myself, challenges I am going through, questions I don’t (and may never) have the answers to will be part of it.

I need to be willing to fail in ways I have never in order to achieve the kind of success I feel called to and want to inspire in you.

Tonight, I’m not going to have my cake, I’m going to eat it and enjoy the hell out of it because I am going to make the most out of the gift I have been given and make 36 my best year yet.

You with me?