January 11th, 2:42pm

Entry 7

Dearest Aspiring Mama, today you choose pleasure not pressure as the driving force on your journey to and through motherhood.

My partner is with Alicia upstairs. I’ve got one hour. And I’m going to have fun.

As I set up the antique chair, prop my laptop on a box onto my bedside table—living in a small home with a toddler requires being creative with your workspace—and take the last sip of my second coffee of the day, I ask myself: 

What would make this a pleasurable experience?

Adele.

I find her new album. Oh My God is the perfect song to get into the groove. 

I know that it’s wrong

But I want to have fun

Mmh, yeah

Mmh, yeah

Leaning into pleasure unapologetically might feel like Adele’s lyrics. It might feel wrong but girl, it’s time to have fun!

It is time that you choose pleasure over pressure. 

• Do you ever put too much pressure on yourself?
• Have you ever avoided being hugged in fear that you might just break down in tears?
• Do you know what pleasure truly feels like?
• Do you experience it on a daily basis, or better yet, is pleasure a dominant state of yours?

Chances are you are hard on yourself. And it shows. Your massage therapist works on releasing the tension regularly.

You’re stiff. Inside and out. May have a hard time relaxing during sex, letting loose on the dance floor, or going with the flow.

You’re quick to diminish your joy in fear that it will make others uncomfortable.

You’ve got goals for days. 

You call yourself a perfectionist.

Don’t take compliments easily (or ever from yourself.)

You’re a high achiever and although you have accomplished a lot in your life, you tend to see what you haven’t done more than what you have.

You want to make sure you have everything in place before: dating again, applying for that promotion you are more than qualified for, writing that book you keep thinking about, talking about your desire to become a mom with a smile, etc (insert that thing you want to do but think you’re not good enough for.)

Yet people think you’re one of the happiest people they know. But when you see people who laugh a lot and seem to be genuinely relaxed and happy something inside of you twitches—like perhaps you should pay attention. Or convince yourself that maybe they’re just crazy. Yeah, they must be crazy. (They aren’t.)

All this might sting, but am I right?

I may be off but a lot of this describes who I was for way too long. Pressure was the main driving force. And I’ll admit, I still give it the keys to my ship at times. 

Let Pleasure Be The Driving Force

Surrendering to pleasure, allowing myself to have FUN, to pursue what lights me up, to follow the trail of that light, is oh so wonderful. And oh so necessary to make your journey to becoming a mom as beautiful as being a mom itself. 

You Are Enough

Much of my personal development was driven by pressure and reinforced the deeper belief that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or ready enough. Even when coaches, programs, books told me otherwise, not addressing the fact that I stepped into this path thinking something was wrong and that I had to work hard to fix it instead of embracing my curiosity and enjoy the process of growth really made it, well, hard.

Just BE for A while

Then I became a coach. I worked my ass off to launch my business for a few years. Finally took the plunge. Enjoyed the first few months. Then things got hard. 

I went to Hawaii. Something shifted. 

I left the city. Something opened. 

I travelled across the USA with my dog. Flowed and marvelled at what each day had in store. Moved by the ocean. Surfed most days. Found pleasure in the ocean while pressure led on dry land. I worked harder, resisting the shift that was taking place in the ocean. 

Then, I felt burnt out. And I gave in. Or rather, gave up the hustle, the pressure, the work till you drop mentality.

It was time to put my professional life to the side. To stop trying so damn hard to get things right. And simply BE for a while. 

Rise Sister Rise

My priorities were shifting. Balance was being restored. Then someone I had just met recommended Rise Sister Rise by Rebecca Campbell. She mentioned how she felt like she needed to share it with me. 

As I listened to the audiobook, one thing stuck: choose pleasure not pressure. 

Woah. 

It was a game changer.

I took this seriously (oh the irony) but I’m glad that I did. 

Months before I met my partner, Alex, I reconnected to my teenage spirit. Snowshoeing and snowboarding to my hearts content most mornings. Writing the manuscript for my second book. Taking my parents on separate getaways. The day I came back from Sandbanks with my mom, I went on my first date with who would become my life partner and baby daddy. 

Our first few months together were spent laughing as our food got cold in restaurants, laying in the sun, jumping cliffs, and having sex on the hood of his car. 

Leading up to the conception of Alicia, I spent an entire summer consciously cultivating joy and letting pleasure lead. She was conceived after a day of hiking our favourite trail and sipping champagne at my sister’s restaurant. 

I lived by the mantra of pleasure not pressure all through pregnancy and for several months after she was born. 

Pressure did show its face when Alicia was about six months old. I almost let it win but the support I received from mentors and coaches during that time was pivotal. I truly do not know who I would be if they hadn’t held me during that time.

Pressure makes its presence known from time to time and there has been days, weeks, and months where I forget to choose pleasure over pressure. But then it comes back. The inner knowing, knows. 

What will your wake up call be?

Last spring, Gloria Estefan’s Conga was my wake up call to make pleasure a priority again. As I danced, my hips felt like they could barely move. I was resisting shaking my body and letting the music move my feet. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. 

I chose pleasure. And it is something I must remind myself to choose everyday. Be it with dance parties, setting alarms to pause and burst into joy, smiling for one minute, or paying top dollar to hire coaches that remind me to do so. 

Choosing Pleasure Not Pressure starts NOW

Alicia is calling my name. My time is up. And so, the time has come for you to choose pleasure not pressure. 

Start taking note of the areas of your life where your pressure tendencies are activated. 

Ask yourself:

• What if I chose pleasure not pressure in every area of my life? 
• In which area of my life is pressure the driving force? What would it take to let pleasure lead here?
• How is limiting my happiness and joy holding me back from living the life that I want? 
• Am I choosing pleasure in this moment?

If you need inspiration try this: Dance to Pharell’s Happy every hour for a day. And/or masturbate every day for a week. 

Choosing pleasure doesn’t mean setting the expectation that every aspect of your life feel pleasurable. However it might lead to decreasing how you react to challenges and pain. More on this another time.

Your journey to and through motherhood is begging you to have fun! Start now. 

With love,
Melissa